the last first week of college

or of school forever?

no, i really want to come back to  school.  in a way, it’s the easy way out.  the worst that could happen is that you get bad grades.  but you’ll always be surrounded by people, you’ll always be busy, and assignments always have some sort of answer.  and you can bullshit

what do i want to go back to school for?  i don’t know yet.  maybe education, maybe public health, maybe writing, maybe journalism, maybe something entirely different– an M.B.A.?

what will i leave behind at school?  ill leave behind ithaca and my family.  ill leave flo behind.  everything else that ive known for so long.

but about this week so far.  on monday, everything went right.  flo and i had an impactful good bye that one could reminisce about for years.  i made breakfast and went to spanish class.  the instructor was funny and i could understand her, even though i made myself out to be a dork very very quickly.  a fellow senior sat beside me, named lauren, and she was a cutie.  as she got up to talk to the teacher, she gave me a smile.  i glanced at her info card and it said that she took danish last year… she must have done DIS!  after that class, i sat with ryan (flo’s little) in the nature and culture class, and she gave me a pair of pants and a shirt that flo had borrowed from before.  ryan and i got along really well, and laughed along with tantillo’s ostentatious style of teaching, complete with a clip from spongebob squarepants.  after that ryan and i walked out together, it was her birthday.  i had a break and used it for a nap, then went to my last class, with alice fulton.  that was another amazing experience.  even though the sole person i know in that class is katherine heiney, who’s kinda cool, alice fulton is incredible.  she looks very delicate, but in a hardy, weathered way.  she’s also very knowledgeable, (obviously) creative, and funny.

the next day was not so good.  lauren, the cutie in spanish class, didn’t show up.  i can only guess that she dropped the class, which was wise.  oh, i woke up 17 minutes before class and had to run and print out my homework to make it there on time.  then i went home and mulled– this isn’t how i should spend my senior year.  i must drop a class.– so i mulled, and decided to go the more ‘fun’ route and drop spanish, keep poetry.  the next class looked like a bore from the outset, but if i concentrate hard enough, the material is actually fairly interesting.  boyd is knowledgeable and enthusiastic, it just looks like he hasn’t shaved for a few months.  then i got lunch with eric and vikram, which was a good time.  however, im seriously considering telling eric that friends can’t just be back-ups to a girlfriend.  that’s just not how it works.  the last class wasn’t very much fun (educ), but i think it’ll shape up ok.  ill sit next to monica minson, hopefully, which should be dec.  chris beyers is also not an incredible friend, although he does ask about my life from time to time.  honestly, i find him annoying a lot of the time.  he’s another one of those guys who gets so wrapped up in a girl’s arms that you can’t communicate with him anymore.

this last day was in between.  in nature and culture, i didn’t sit next to ryan.  but i saw her at the library and said hi.  in poetry class, i perked up, and was pleasantly surprised by some of the insights of my classmates, dissecting and analyzing some of dana roeser’s poems.  i think that’ll be a good learning experience.

ive talked to flo three times or so, including once a few hours ago.  she and her family were in the middle of an 8 hour layover, and her brother had a small bowl of cereal for breakfast and a mountain dew for lunch.  that’s probs the last time ill talk to flo on the phone for a while.  i don’t know who i can talk to about missing flo, and i also don’t know what to do when the flo and brian thing crosses my mind.  gah!  i am doing a lot of reading though.  i just wish there were more people who wanted to hang out and chill.

i did have a fun lunch with alix though.  she’s a perky girl and high energy.  she can’t come on skifest, but i hope that’s a fun weekend thing too.  certainly wasn’t cheap.

flo

said good bye to the girl i love

so close and dear to my heart

a beautiful strong girl who’s imperfect just like me

first day of school all over again, but without her

if i could have breakfast with one person (other than family) it would be her

my hand feels the pain, skin scraped off by rough ice

it’s pouring outside, like how i cried with her on my bed and in her car this morning, early

What can you regret?

What can you regret?

What is the difference between regretting something you did not do and regretting something you did do?  So after dating Flo for a while, I asked her if she had ever cheated on my while dating.  After pressing her a little, she said that Brian had asked her to kiss him good bye at the end of last semester.  And they made out.  This was after I slept over, and Isys and I had invited her to lunch.  She had sent a text to Isys telling her that the girl who was taking over her room wanted to talk to her about the room, and she wouldn’t be able to make lunch.  I don’t think that was true.  That might be the most backhanded thing someone has ever done to me.  This was after we had a heart to heart about whether or not we were actually dating, a talk that originated with my question: can I trust you with Brian?  GUESS I FUCKING CAN’T, EH?  Yea.

So, on this note, what else do I regret?

I regret not wrestling freshman and sophomore years of high school.

I regret not going out for more sports/being a spaz with sports at Cornell.  I wish I had gone out for sprint football, and not gone out for track during my junior and senior years.

I regret watching so much porn in my young years, and I want to delete that habit asap.

I regret not ordering my classes so I didn’t have to take so many silly CALS credits.

In a sense, my relationships have ended poorly:

With Laurel, I basically gave her the impression that I was more interested in Kristen than her.

With Kristen, I flirted too much with Rebecca.  To the point where Kristen couldn’t think about me anymore.  Since I didn’t know this, things got really fucked up.  She began seeing/fucking one of my friends, Mike.  After three and a half years, I called her for the first time last night.  I decided to break up with her after going rock climbing, that I couldn’t take that shit anymore.

With Terry, things went haywire after we came back to school.  It just really didn’t work out, and I broke up with her at formal– kind of a dick move.  When we were all dancing as a big group at a Halloween party, she started making out with some dude right in front of me.

With Flo, the above happened.  She ran over from north at 2:30 am in her tights to talk.  She said she thinks we’re the real thing, that she’s thought about moving down to Austin, that she can picture me doing the Peace Corps and teaching English, that she could see mom and dad as her in-laws, that this is true love…  So that all sounded earnest. But another valid point is that I probs can’t trust her.  There’s no way we’re going to be dating after she goes to England, and sees Brian at some point as she travels around with her family.  So my question is, do I break up with her tonight, or do I slide it in in a couple of days?  Is this going to be a real break up, or a kind of casual one?

There are things that everyone regrets, and they are all important to that person on a personal level.  It means you care.  It means that you did or would have put lots of energy and yourself into that.  It means that you believe your life would be significantly different if you had or had not done that something.

Why Hello! (1/15/2010)

It’s been said: ‘this is our last semester!’

Jesus, can it really be that time already?  I know I’ve prayed for the last semester to come sometimes, but now that it’s here I might be a little scared…  There’ll be people I miss.  I know I’ll miss the lifestyle too.  Meeting new people every week and trying to engage them in conversation.  5 mile runs at midnight past the equine farm.  People are leaving.  Eric asked me what he should do for his future today.  He got a job!  He’ll be staying in the northeast without a doubt.  Vikram could probably go to Denver or D.C.  Flo will be trying out an adventure every time I talk to her.  Dan doesn’t know what he’s doing yet, but he’s such a nice guy– I have confidence.  It goes on…

The last few days have been a blur.  I’ve played soccer with townies, basketball with frat bros (earning victory) and lifting with dad.  sleeping with flo and rubbing her all over.  going out to dinner with flo and mom and dad.  one thing ive noticed is that my friends and family (besides Sophie, maybe) put on their BEST face when they first meet flo, and the subsequent times…  I see this as a compliment to both her and me.  Her because she deserves it, and she greets people with an open expression, ready to listen and to share.  she has a lot of dreams, and that’s really attractive.  me, because i see each one as a favor.  people prepare themselves to like flo because they already know i like her.  since i talk about her, even ben asks me about flo.  now that’s something else.

at 2 am last night, flo and i were talking.  i asked her, ‘do you think we’re better as friends, or boyfriend and girlfriend?’  ‘you mean now?’ she asked ‘no, i mean in the future.’  She responded ‘that’s a really good question.  you were an incredible friend last spring (this is something like our first year of liking each other, and all i wanted to do was hang out with you.  you were so intriguing).  i dont know.’

at that moment, I kind of thought that we would be better as friends, and very good at that.  but then there’s a mutual physical attraction, and some great sex.  then again, there isn’t something quite right, is there?  hm.  it’s something that exists for a reason, i feel.  nonetheless, I made a doctor’s appointment about it.  yea…

itll be like lightning when flo leaves.  one second she’ll be there, and another she won’t.  she might come back for a weekend, i have no idea.  she might not have enough time.  so next week may be the last week i see her.  it kind of breaks my heart, the anticipation of it all.  i will be sad.  gah, i want to talk to her about it.

01/13/2010

Today was…interesting.  I woke up as early as I ever have at home (10) and got a ride downtown, to 120 W. State Street.  That’s where I was supposed to get my fingerprints… except I couldn’t contact them before I came because a) they’re open 3 hours a week, and b) they don’t have  a phone number.  So when they told me they only did digital, I almost flipped a shit.  So, who can do this shit?  Apparently, nobody has any idea.  A law that’s been in action since Jan 1st says that police depts can’t do civil fingerprinting…  I went to the police station anyway, and after a little fenagling, got a lady in investigation to help me out.  She was quite grumpy at the beginning, and wouldn’t really have a conversation with me, but in the elevator she was telling one of her colleagues how she’s usually vacationing in Africa at this time of the year.  So that’s completely understandable.  As she steered my fingers in and out of the black ink, and onto my pale blue fingerprint charts (each finger, thumb twice, four fingers together), she asked me where I wanted to go.  I would be happy going anywhere, so that’s what I said.  But it didn’t really come out right, like I was naive and careless, in a way.  So she turned out to be super nice and I have something to think about when I have an interview with Anne Park.  Need to do some research.

Later, mom gave me a ride home.  We made stops to the dentist’s (where I must get a check up asap!), the ithaca bakery (the lox and cream cheese on a toasted bagel was sublime and very expensive) and the car wash (to relive my childhood and get the car cleaned).  My gum bled a little after simply eating the crispy toasted bagel– ridiculous.  Possibly my achilles heel.

I am very sore from wrestling practice yesterday, and soccer before that.  I preferred soccer.

I also finished the Vintage American Short Stories collection yesterday!  Possibly one of the best deals I’ve ever witnessed, let alone tried.  ‘Darling’ and ‘Lawns’ might have been my favorites, both of them disturbingly beautiful and compelling.  I’ve taken to lounging about on a specific part of the couch in front of the T.V. underneath a specific red sleeping bag.  My main activities in that position include sleeping, eating pecan pie with ice cream, watching the food network and old movies, office marathons and trying to decide if I should hit the comp for some internets aka talking to Flo online.

I was also talking to mom about my feelings about Flo, over lunch.  This seems to be a wide talking point– mom often brings it up.  It’s been a tough relationship, I think.  The beginning and the middle were out of a story book, but these days I just don’t know. We have different temperaments.  I just don’t know, you know.  I don’t think she’s gonna visit me or anything, while I live in Texas.  She’s got her eyes sighted on success and other guys, I think.  It makes me pretty sad, but at least I’ve begun to stick up for myself lately.  She probs would never consider getting me a present, and completely forgot about me during the summer– even though I cycled 600 miles and crossed the Cascades to see her.  Maybe we just have different priorities.  Sometimes I think I try to make her the next Kristen.  I mean, during our hey day, Kristen and I were tight.  I miss that.  But when we weren’t together (over the summer), the heart ache was almost unbearable.  I can’t even remember how I felt, but I remember carrying a couple of pictures of her with me, and looking at them every night.  Flo and I have more similar interests, but maybe she’s also different in a way.  I don’t know if I can really trust her with my feelings.  The way I got along with her parents also kind of hurts me.  We’ll see.  She comes back tomorrow, and let’s see how things work.

Happy New Years

Unfortunately, I c annot find the sheet of my paper with my resolutions, but here’s the best I can do from memory:

1. brush my teeth at least once every day

2. complete at least one triathlon

3. get a teaching job in austin, TX

4. complete at least two scrapbooks

5. live the last semester to the fullest

6. become a better cook

7. lower my expectations for friends– just  go with the flow

8. get more clips for my resume

also, I resolve not to cheer people up too often, and to not celebrate holidays.

I’m writing this on one of my laziest days.  I woke up at 10:30 and came into the tv room.  There, I fell asleep on the couch under the red sleeping bag until 1:30.  I’ve been watching food network ever since.  I did go out to get the mail, and said, “Where am I?” to no one.  The good thing is that Dan’s coming back today, and I’m hopefully going to go play soccer in the green room later.

So far, this year has been very good.  I’ve had a ton of family time, including an impressive 7 mile run with dad yesterday, followed by a lift with him.  I’ve decided to get back to my sports roots this year (while staying intellectually solid), so I’ve played basketball the last two days in a row, and I’m hopefully going to take a P.E. with Jeremy, who’s pretty beast.  Cycling club may also be in my future.

The New Year started off on a poor note.  I was with Ben, driving to Lelde’s house.  Ben turned on his signal and went into another lane and went through a yellow light.  We had seen a cop right before that.  We had also drank a full bottle of champagne before that.  The cop pulled us over, and Ben blew a .12 and got taken away.  I walked to the police station after getting a CSC and chilled there until Ben announced that he was staying the night, and had gotten a DWI.  I walked home, which was a bitch, but nothing compared to Ben’s future troubles.  The next morning, Ben called me and I got him out of jail.  He went to go pick up his car and I walked to the bus station to take a bus to Rochester.

Rochester was another mixed bag.  There were moments of brilliance, wherein Flo, her friends, her family and I got along well.  Rachel and Harvey are really nice, and so is their friend Justin.  But for some reason, her parents didn’t really seem…interested in me.  Truth, I liked talking with them both, but we just didn’t seem to click.  On the good side, the Williams family excited a love for Lox and Cheese in me, and we painted pottery, which was good fun.  Color Me Mine!  Other highlights were Dinosaur BBQ and snoring on their couch during Harry Potter.  Why didn’t you wake me up, Flo?  Oh yea, and Christmas Crackers and Banannagrams.

After coming back from Rochester, I had one more trip to complete before I could “totally relax” for a real break.  I had an externship in Colonie, which is very close to Albany.  Since Becky is from Albany (Glenmont to be particular), I asked her if I could stay at her house/hang with her.  We didn’t really get that done until the last second, and by then I was pissed off and had decided that I would just stay in a hotel.  When Becky finally called, we sorted it out and I ended up staying with her and her mom.  Albany was actually a fantastic trip.  The externship was amazing– so much stuff packed into two full 9 hour days.  I was under the wing of Rob Brill, a city desk editor.  He’s pretty gregarious and often asked his colleagues if I could just talk to them/look over their shoulder.  Teresa, a real G, and another person to add to my short list of “people I really really respect,” suggested that I go with Will, the photo editor, on one of his assignments.  This was an adventure.  First we dropped off some tape at a broadcasting agency, and got a tour of the studios from Mike, which was awesome.  Mike said that his daughter wants to go to Cornell to be a vet.  Then we went to the Capital building to see the State of the State.  I wandered around for a while and saw the press rooms…  Met a reporter named Irene who miraculously was also added to the list (Alka, Tiffany, Sarah Brown, Teresa, Irene, Dan O’Connor, Garret, John Fingado..a couple others).  Other people I talked with include Sarah (investigative reporting– see deathbymistake.com), Tim Knepf (web design), Jake (copy editor).   Also popped in on some meetings like the daily Budget meeting, and some sort of internal city meeting.  I liked chatting people up and getting their feel on the industry.  There sure were  a lot of jokes about how I should get out of journalism while I still can… but hey, if they can do it, then I can do it.  Looked over Rob’s shoulder as he edited articles with the writers.  Rob also mentioned that an article instantly gets better if you add in more fields (the economics of something, the human interest, the science– MTC, see!).  the only huge problem with journalism that I saw is that it is changing to an internet medium, which entails a lot of staring at the computer screen and less print.

On the casual side, staying with Becky turned out to be really fun.  Her mom Dawn is cool and friendly, and also very generous.  She flew off to Vegas to teach for a few days, but she was more than happy to order a pizza for us and to talk to me.  Other than that, Becky and I saw Princess and the Frog (awesome), went to a Bier Garden to see James and Cathy for a sec, played Donkey Kong (she schooled me), walked around the mall, got dinner at the Macaroni Grill (amazing) and watched the BCS championship and two episodes of the Jersey Shore.  I think we got along well, although Becky seemed tired when there was down time.  I think she misses her boyfriend, Adrian.  Becky also recently got contacts, so I was timing her as to how long it took her to put them in and then take them out.   She also said that it’s weird feeling the wind on her eyes, and that she felt “badass” driving without glasses lolol.

On a random note, I saw Sophie’s friend Ryan (the revolutionist), Joel and Flo’s friend Carolyn at the Binghamton bus station.  Said hello to all of them.   Carolyn was going to Honduras for Agua Clara, as an engineer.

Back home, I chilled with Ben a bit.  He told his parents, which I think is a good thing.  I’ve also struck a good medium with Flo.  lol, this may sound weird but… I don’t call her anymore.  If she really wants to talk, then she can call me!  This has had a good effect on both of us (Flo and I have been talking smoothly, and we miss each other), as well as me individually (paradoxically, lowering expectations make us both more loose).  She’s coming to Ithaca in 4 days, I sure hope we can have a good real relationship, in addition to this solid virtual relationship.    I have faith.  We’ll exercise together.  Maybe see a movie.  Maybe  a sleepover.  But I don’t pine after her like I used to, which is definitely good for my brain.  I htink I subconsciously wanted to pine after her (I am a self-proclaimed romantic and thinker)…  now we can be sappy at the right times (valentines day, once in a while on  the internets).  I just really hated calling her and her not calling me back until the next day because “she was out until late with a friend and then had work the next day.”  Oh well, I hope things will be good now, I think they will be.

Strang over and out.

A weekend at the Williams’ household

A couple of hours ago, I got back into town, coming from Flo’s house in Pittsford.  I was there for about two days, and I can’t lie, I was desperate to come back home.  Basically, I feel like I’m on an emotional roller coaster, and the endpoint is probably something frightening, like a cave or thorns or something.  When I got there, I was instantly optimistic, as Flo’s pick-up timing was supreme, and we had a great hug hello.  We drove on the Main St. for a little, and I discovered how big Rochester really is.  I had no idea that it was as big of a city as Syracuse.  We stopped at Brugger’s for some bagels, which we brought home for lunch.  We spent most of the next few hours playing Bannanagrams with Rachel and Flo’s mom Ann, and then got things cooking… ratatouille, mashed potatoes, ham, rolls, stuffing and more.  I think that this was the big New Year’s Dinner for the Williams, and Harvey and Rachel were also there to celebrate.

However, dinner was an awkward affair.  We exploded Christmas crackers and that was about the end of the joyfulness.  Paradoxically, I was actually the first to start a conversation, about the wine, which tasted awesome.  There seemed to be a certain amount of tension at the table, and chatter was hard to come by.   after dinner, i gave Flo her jersey, which she loved.  Miraculously, it was a PERFECT fit on her.  She went downstairs to show her dad, and he was impressed too.  Looks like I did a good job on the present!  Flo didn’t get me a present though, so once again, the feeling was bittersweet.  She forgot my birthday last year, so this seems to be a trend.  I don’t understand- how could we talk so much, and say we love each other so much, and she not remember these gift-giving holidays?  I mean, we went Christmas shopping together, and talked about what to get her dad…  I dunno, it just seems like another glancing blow.

The rest of the night was also rough.  We watched Harry Potter, which was actually pretty good.  Then her parents went upstairs, and I thought we could cuddle for a little.  We hadn’t for so long, I thought we’d be dying to get into each other’s arms.  Not the case.  It was shit.  It was like she didn’t want to touch me.  That left me feeling extremely unwanted and sad.  I can’t say enough about how much that hurt my feelings, and I have no doubt that it’ll be on my mind for days to come.

The next day started off well– I got along nicely with Ann.  We decided to go to Color Me Mine, where Ann painted a tile and an outlet cover, Flo painted a pencil holder, and I painted a bowl.  Ann painted the outlet cover in the same colors as a couch at their place in the Outer Banks.  Flo did a lace pattern.  I did a frayed rope technique.  The one redhead worker was kind of sharp in giving advice, which I found kinda spunky.  The other workers were kind, and replaced our water and gave us advice.  After Color Me Mine, we went to Wegmans and got these incredible pizza bagels– if I were to live in one store, it would be the Flagship Wegmans.

We traveled to Dinosaur BBQ for dinner but there was a 1.5 hour wait, so we got some take-out and jetted to HArvey and Rachel’s place.  The wings and ribs were plenty good, but also very fatty, and when I’m not exercising I can’t eat too much.  the night was pretty absurd.  There was a wealth of alcohol there, and a bunch of Harvey and Rachel’s friends came over to play Catchphrase, watch shows including pumpkin launchers, in the womb: extreme animals, and shoot the shit.  HArvey was definitely the star of the show, with money phrases like ‘fuck me in the gortas’ and ‘twitter me yo bitch = modern communication.’  story of the night went to Justin, who said that he once held Harvey’s hand as Harvey threw up off the dock, with Justin pulling the trigger.  everyone was really funny and it was a good time– i was also proud of my justice at catchphrase, and eventually i started telling a few jokes.  Derrick is studying abroad his last semester, in south africa, with an emphasis on safari-traveling.

The last major thing we did in Pittsford was to go see Up in the Air.  At first, I was actually physically sickened by the movie.  I thought it was horrible, and it reminded me of my inadequacies, so I had to leave for a while.  Then we moved back to the last row, and things got a little better.  A romance emerged and people stopped being so abrasive, and most importantly my senses weren’t being overwhelmed.  In the end, I guess it worked out.

highlights: seeing flo’s face as she opened her present

bannanagrams

salmon and cream cheese on a toasted bagel

christmas crackers, talking with Ann about Princess Diana

Rockport, TX

(11/28)

If everything goes to plan, this is my current life track:

teach in Austin, TX for 3 years

combination Peace Corps-Masters program for 4 years

MFA in Madison, WI for 2 years

work as a journalist in San Francisco or Portland til ‘?’

The first step, I’m preparing for it.  I’m going to try to take a spanish course, that literacy course, and tutor in a middle school somewhere next semester… all to boost my chances of getting hired next fall.  I would love to take a public speaking course, but I dunno if I’ll have room.  Next semester I’d also like to expand my writing for the Sun to the News section, compete running and/or cycling/triathlon wise, maybe volunteer at Loaves & Fishes once a week, and do that DJ show with Nishtha.  

We’re in Rockport, TX, which is close to Corpus Christi.  That’s near to the Gulf of Mexico, in fact we have a view of the Gulf from our window.  We’ve spent the last couple of days walking around, looking at birds, and relaxing a bit more.  Finding dinner at the H E B supermarket has been one of my favorite things– we find frozen food or prepared sandwiches and bring them back to the hotel to eat together.  That takes some pressure off the family getting along, because we have a fifth member– the television — to entertain us.  We’ve eaten together at the draft house, IHOP, 888 (a vietnamese restaraunt), the butter churn (poss favorite, just for its pure Texan-ness), a southern eating place, and maybe another place.  We ate lunch in Rockport this afternoon, which was cool because the food was on hand-made pottery which the owner and his wife made, and the drinks were in glass jars with handles on them.  

We also saw a seahorse, I never knew their tails were so flexible!  Tomorrow we’re heading back to Austin, and I’m going to try to find Flo’s bike jersey and lead an expedition to the Continental Club for Alejandro Escovedo’s show!  If that’s not possible, we’ll try to find something fun to do, with the draft house being an awesome backup.  I still can’t believe how funky and cool the previews were– marrying sick beat clips and on-the-money video clips.  A lightning bolt strikes the wolf man and you see his bones, then it goes back to normal, right in line with two different soul-switching tuneskis.

In Austin

(12/26)

This was the extent of our Christmas gifts…

gifts given by me:

to dad: Ulysses, three moleskine notebooks for travel writing

to mom: Jack Johnson CD, Neko Case CD

to Sophie: windup turtle toy, Spirit and Kitsch sheet metal painting

gifts given to me:

from dad: cool red wallet from Nepal, TIME magazine from the 60′s

from mom: awesome art journal book, night shirt from Wales, alien PJ’s, nifty graphic t-shirt

from sophie: bicycle multi-tool, 

Christmas was a 20 minute affair, just before we went to the airport (for the first time).  I think I’ll give Terry a book, Flo some bicycle stuff (hopefully), maybe stuff for Dan, Vikram and Eric…  I also need to think about gifts for Alka, Mr. McMichael, Barb and Carla!

We were floundered by the airlines and their company workers for a while, since they declined in pairing airplane seats with our purchased reservations…  but eventually, a nice Muslim lady just printed dad off the final boarding pass, and we were good to go.  we were considering just staying in Atlanta and driving to Florida or Austin!  

Another funny story happened when I was trying to get Sophie a chicken bowl from Au Bon Pain, and dad called, imploring me to rush back.  So I ran back, but I went out the wrong exit- the exit of the airport! once i saw some big concrete blocks, i knew I had to make a mistake.  I tried to get back in, but the guard blocked me.  so i had to print off another boarding pass and walk through security with only the clothes on my back and a chicken bowl.  the security women said that I would probably be very cold if I was going just like that to Austin.

In Austin, we’ve walked around on very spongy/stiff grass by the Capital, and witnessed an Asian family shaking walnuts off a walnut tree and then eating them, sophie and I have asked dad to drive us to the dessert, ate a ton of stuff at IHOP and watched a movie at A Draft House, which was Baller.  the ‘upcoming shows’ section and the film short before the movie started were so cool, great editing for the former (very edgy) and very retro for the latter (Preacher Man music video).  I also really want to see “Ninotchka.”  The movie was pretty funny and appropriately shot– it didn’t try to be too much. Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker are separated spouses who are put under a witness protection plan after witnessing a murder, and then are flown out to middle-of-nowhere, Wyoming, where they rekindle their love in the humble abode of the narrator of The Big Lebowski and a sexy cowboy chic.

There’s also been a couple of annoying thing and one great thing.  The couple of annoying things have been dad being way too childish and drinking on the plane, a conversation of flo and mine was kinda awkward (I dunno, it just didn’t work).  BUT a flo phone call the night before we left (second attempt) was fantastic, she was very supportive and very loving.  Mom and Dad were having a big fight, and she even followed up the next morning!  She was at a party, and I won’t lie, those things always worry me, and didn’t really fit the mood I was in at the time, but I want to be able to step outside of myself/chill out and let her party and have fun with other people (read: guys) without working myself up.   I want to trust her and for her to trust me, and not worry about each other.  Rationally though, she CALLED me to check up, she said I Love You many times; it’s just that she’s so cute and any guy would want to talk to her, and I guess… I won’t go there, I hate even thinking about it.  But the bottom line is: we’re boyfriend and girlfriend right now– why can’t I get it through my thick skull?!  Anyways, that rant is exactly that, a rant.  Today’ll be a good day, I’ll talk to Flo when the time is right, and that’ll be  a good conversation, and I might even find some interesting gifts for her and the rest of my friends.

Dreaming in a Taqueria

(12/23)

I was taking a supreme nap, right off of watching some Man vs. Wild, when I started to dream…  Sophie and Dad were discussing Sophie’s relationship to Peter in the hole-in-the-wall portion of Viva Taqueria, or maybe it was a generic dimly-lit restaraunt/cafe…  Sophie was talking in her trademark loud talk, basically yelling in an even pitched tone.  Dad was comparing a relationship to a shark (which has to swim through fresh water in order to live).  Everyone was kind of turning their head in that direction.  I kind of woke up, and Sophie was sitting in this wooden chair and dad was on that old comfortable chair.  Then I went back to sleep and pseudo-heard the conversation as I ordered some Tamales (new addition to the menu) out of the hole in the wall.  Kind of interesting listening to a conversation that was happening right there, displaced to another odd location, full of other people (though I could never describe their faces), while I was sleeping.